Joel and Hayley 
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
“Ever feel like not matter how much you try to do it’s still not enough to break free”
That was me not too long ago. I had the job, the house, the routine, the overtime, which I felt was the answer… but deep down, something felt off.
There was a point for me, where I was leaving home for 06.00 and getting home at 19.00, I never saw my kids before school, or on my return, awake anyway. Yet, all the additional hours, we still just had enough? I was surviving not thriving and I was now aware of it.
The Script
I modelled my Dad and all the other Dads where I worked, they were good men, doing their part for their family.
This is ‘The Script’ working hard, show up and push through no matter what.
Life has many of these scripts, and as a friend once told me, ‘You catch more than you are taught’, which means your environment and those in it shaped you more than you are consciously aware.
Here’s where the glorification of hard work often falls short: we rarely talk about the consequences. There’s a cost to constantly showing up, pushing through and ‘earning it’, and it doesnt just show up as fatigue – it shows up as stress related illness, fractured relationships , burnout, and erodes the connection to our joy.
A deeper story sits beneath the surface of industries, rising sick leave, burnout, and mental health challenges. And in the most devastating cases, it costs lives. Male suicide remains heartbreakingly high, often tied to silent suffering, emotional isolation, and the internalised pressure to be strong, successful, and self-reliant at all costs. We’re praised for grinding, but not for resting, so our cup becomes emptier. For producing, but not for pausing, so we never question.
What remains is a shell, with nothing to give, and a sense of no way out.
Until we start having these conversations openly, the cycle continues—rewarding the hustle while ignoring the human.
The Mistakes
Mistake #1: Waiting for clarity before taking action
I sat on the sidelines, waiting for some divine epiphany, which never came. My discontent and depression, calling in more of the same. Signs, clear path or breakthroughs,I felt must be on their way, none of which came, clarity didn’t occur before action. It was forged through movement, sometimes the smallest of steps, sometimes with no visibility other than a inner sense of knowing.
Reflection Questions:
- Where are you hesitating, telling yourself you need more time or certainty?
- What’s one thing you know you need to do—but keep avoiding?
Coach Insight:
The version of you who has clarity is the one who’s already started.
Mistake #2: Trying to do it alone
We’ve been sold a lie, as old as time. That real men figure it out on their own. That vulnerability is weakness. But isolation isn’t strength—it’s slow self-destruction.
Reflection Questions:
- Who truly sees the real you—without the armour?
- What would change if you stopped hiding your struggles?
Coach Insight:
Asking for help isn’t tapping out. It’s tapping in to options, possibilities and choice..
Mistake #3: Outsourcing purpose to status or success
Progress can feel like chasing titles, income, or recognition—but it’s often a mask – a clever means of distracting from the bigger feeling that calls from inside. Purpose is not found in time, it is where you are…now..
Reflection Questions:
- What do you actually want to feel more of—beyond success?
- If your work, car, or image was stripped away, what would remain?
Coach Insight:
Purpose isn’t found. It’s chosen—and forged through with intention every day.
If any of these hit home, you’re not alone. These mistakes are common—but they’re not permanent.
Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a calling to choose to evolve.
And when you stop playing off The Script—you start leading your life, not reacting to it.
🔥 Ready to shift from stuck to self-led?
Keep your eyes open for and sign up for the 7 Day Shift Challenge, or join us inside The Transformed Man—where we rewrite the rules and reclaim our power, one choice at a time.